" It is only 30 seconds of your life" this is what my sister Mimi told me to get me to go on my first roller coaster. I was going into the seventh grade, and I was so excited because my sister asked me to go to Great America with her and her friend. I thought I was so cool, my sister asked me… Yes, ME to go with her and her friend to Great America. That excitement came to a screeching halt real fast, when my sister said I had to go on all the rides with them. Back then I was scared of plummeting to my death , or getting stuck upside down. When we got to our first ride I remember my fingers being numb and my stomach full of butterflies and knots. I remember thinking oh great the last words I heard were , you are now locked in. After the most terrifying 45 seconds of my life, I discovered one of the true loves of my life, roller coasters.
That day was an amazing day of facing my fears and bonding with my older sister. It was all great until the moment, that I thought would never happen. In front of what felt like a billion people, two staff members came and tried to force the safety bar down. After about a minute I was told I was too big to safely ride the ride, and I needed to get off the ride. In that moment I played it cool and acted like it was water off a duck’s back.
Thinking about now, I’m realizing how much that experience took so much joy away from something I love. I felt that I could no longer go to amusement parks. I developed anxiety around the idea of even stepping foot at an amusement park. Going to the happiest place on earth, was not so happy for me. I would pretend that I was having a good time, but in my head I would be thinking, you are too fat, you won't fit, Oh God do not eat that churro, everyone is watching. I am not going to fit and be asked to get off. Does this outfit hide all my fat? So even though I was acting like I was having a good time, I was a hot mess in my noggin.
Can you tell which one is me ... Hint I have a HUGE mouth
Like I said in my last blog I set goals this summer. One of those goals was to go on a vacation. This past weekend I went to L.A with some girlfriends. We were not planning on going to Disneyland, but we got a wild hair up our asses and went!
Love these ladies !!
I was so anxious when we actually decided to go, I was so excited but so scared. I was terrified that I was going to not fit on rides or, that in some way or another my weight would get in the way. Plus on top of that, I did not have an outfit that I planned months ahead of time to be comfortable in all day at Disney. The night before I ran through all the stinking think thoughts over and over again.
All that stinking thinking was a waste of sleep because I had the BEST time at Disneyland. It was not just the awesome ladies I went with, but it was the fact that I did not give any hoots about what I looked liked or how my body would get in the way. I did not have a care in the world.
So, people, this is what I am saying, HAVE FUN ! Do not let the fear of you being uncomfortable get in the way of your experiencing thing in life. I could have easily, after getting told to get off a ride, never got back on one again. It took thirteen years, but I am so glad that I have renewed my love with amusement parks.
One of the only people that fully understand my love of Disney!
The best part of self-love is discovering things that either you did not do before due to stinking thinking and realizing that you find joys in them.
So this week I challenge you to do something that you stopped doing because of a negative experience that hurt you and do it again. Whether that is going to an amusement park, swimming in a pool, or wearing a swimsuit. Whatever it is just making sure you realize how you feel is the most important thing and it does not matter what others say or think.
Never wear taco socks on Splash Mountain... they will reak after !
You do you boo!
Love ,
Sam
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